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Like, if my call is so goddamn important, serve me right now already okay?!

Now I know why I seldom update. I am always dissatisfied with my blog post attempts, because they’re usually meaningless, crisp and concise one-liners that I divert to Facebook instead.

Sei loh this blog must not die. Must… Write… Longer articles. Just because I’m so long-winded. Haha.

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And inspiration struck. Yay!

It’s also regarding customer service.

My brother has been complaining that his office chair’s (those fancy healthy chair with ergonomic designs) seat cushion has been worn down and he needs it to be replaced.

I called and told the chair company’s girl my problem.

The customer doesn’t feel comfortable with the seat. Used for several years so worn down liao. I would like to order a new one. We’re willing to pay.

And she proceeded to list down a long-ass list of stuff over the phone to handle the situation. Procedures, kononnya.

1. She must call the technician.

2. She needs the technician to bring the chair back to factory for inspection.
Inspect what? I just want a new seat!

3. After inspection, write report about chair’s fault.
What fault? I. Just. Want. A. Fucking. New. Seat.

4. After approval, then proceed to repair broken part.
Problem is, the seat is not fucking broken. It’s just worn down. Imagine a fat ass sleep on the same mattress for 10 years. Surely the mattress will have an imprint of the person coz so heavy and mattress so old liao. Same thing with the seat lah, except my bro is not a fat ass.

EXCUSE ME,

I said the cushion doesn’t feel comfortable anymore, and we just want the goddamn cushion seat to be replaced with a new one. What masuk kilang, what report? If you really want to report, call in forensic scientists to calculate the ergonomics of the seat and check which E=MC2 is making the customer not comfortable lah. Stupid -race removed- girl.

What’s more infuriating is she totally warped my words on telephone in her writing on the Service Report,

Chair is faulty, please check and repair.

OEI SINCE WHEN I SAY FAULTY? The only thing faulty is your rusty brain! And possible ears clogged up with shit to listen properly.

Very hard to understand meh?

Bolehland’s customer service really boleh to the max!

I feel obliged to say something even though I am suffering from a terrible bout of writer’s block.

My office was broken into last Saturday. I received the call from my sister-in-law when I was in the cinema drooling over my favourite vampire. Much to my dismay, I was eager to glue my eyes on the screen for more Edward (and Jacob’s abs), but to add insult to injury, Maxis had to butt in with bad reception so I was irritated longer and to even greater heights.

Annoyances aside, I had a rude shock when I received the news.

First thing that came into my mind was my brother’s workstation. If that was gone… There goes our livelihood and my poor brother’s sanity and hard work.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), now everything say cash one. The only fucking thing stolen was our petty cash stash. The fucker didn’t even take the syilings lying in my petty cash tong!

All our cupboards were opened and ransacked, and documents strewn all over the floor. Office hardware are all intact, much to our relief. There was this old laptop lying on the chair, just beckoning to be stolen, but he didn’t.

Cash, they needs it. Cold, hard, fucking cash.

And it’s time to find out who did it. CSI time! A sergeant and his PROFESSIONAL CSI crew came over to inspect the damage done.

Wow, CSI guy wor, I was sorta curious what he had to offer. I didn’t expect much…

And I was right to NOT expect much.

The only thing the bugger did was to spread some miserable carbon powder on one particular document storage unit we had. ONE OKAY?! OUR WHOLE GODDAMN OFFICE WAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN IN SEARCH OF CASH. *Which we don’t have coz no marnee mah sob sob* And you check one cabinet nia!

Hello, there are tons of other surfaces that the culprit touched lah encik CSI.

CSI kononnya.

They say they can’t do anything because the fingerprints are not ‘whole’ enough, and proceeded to talk to us about how many juta-juta rakyat Bolehland houses and how hard it will be to trace the culprit. Not inclusive of foreigner somemore leh he added.

Fuck that lah. If I see the sincerity of them checking out the scene, trying to find out more about the issue, my writer’s block would still be intact and I’d still have a reason to leave this blog dormant. Nothing to complain mah. So distinctively Malaysian. *Cough*

And I end my angry article with a Malaysia BOLEH!!!!!!1

Kthxbai.

It’s no secret that I am the world’s biggest hygiene freak. For starters, let me share with you some of my antics at home.

• When I reach home after a day out, the first thing I do before anything else is to wash my hands and feet. Yes feet too. You have no idea the luxurious feeling of having squeaky clean floors that don’t have muck stuck on them.
• I never throw my bags or items such as wallets on my bed. Never. Well except for my phone because I’ve been busy SMSing someone for years. *wink wink* Why? Sometimes you’re left with no choice but to place your bag on the floor or the carpet of your car. Okay I wouldn’t mind that, but no way am I introducing germs into my BED.
• Don’t even get me started when you’re forced to place your handbags on the sink when you’re at a public toilet. Ever seen bloody disgusting dudes sneezing or hacking their life’s worth of scum in a public toilet? It’s bad enough WITHOUT the threat of H1N1. I have no idea why people never pondered about this.
• I change to fresh clothing when I come back home before I sit on my couch or my bed. After sharing public facilities such as seats (often stained) with unknown people, I really don’t wanna transmit any unnecessary particles to my household items, thank you very much.
• I absolutely despise it when people sit on my bed after a long day out. Or dump their bags on my nest. I won’t be anal to visitors to my house lah of course. I’m a good host. :D
• Once, I visited a skin specialist who was also a sex specialist (talk about the sexpert! XD), my bf was being reluctant to sit on the couch. It was a sex specialist clinic and most probably the patients are struck with herpes or some scary STD. He couldn’t imagine how many patients with rotting crotches sat on the couch before.
• That’s when I pounced on his point and told him: ‘Okay, so you picture this: If our herpes patient went to Pavilion, sat on the nice clean-looking sofa, and you’re the next guy who sat on that sofa, how leh? That’s why NEVER sleep on my bed after you’ve come back from outside! And always, always wash your hands and change your clothes!’ And he kept quiet. XD

Some people may be saying that I’m way overboard with this whole ordeal, but living through the H1N1 pandemic, do you see my rationale as to why hygiene must be practiced as a lifestyle habit, not due to fear only when a pandemic strikes?

In fact, H1N1 is spreading like wildfire, and one of the reasons being - a lot of people simply do not practice the fundamentals of keeping themselves and their household clean!

Do you really need H1N1 to teach you how to maintain your cleanliness? Just because other diseases are not as contagious as H1N1, it doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.

Keep clean, and be safe!

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Reasons why I’m so worked up about this whole H1N1 thing:

• It ruined Project Akonana. Akonana was supposed to come to India but not anymore no thanks to this shitty virus. Screw H1N1.
• Bf imposed a 3 day home-quarantine for me when I come back. Okay fine, which means no kissing when I finally get to freaking see him in 3 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lose-lose situation. Screw H1N1.
• On the same day I land, there’s a party going on! Out of respect of the house owner, I’m not going. I have not been involved in any form of social activities since I freaking came to India. Except for the McDonald’s guy who is friendly with me. XD And now got a party on the same day I land and I can’t go out of caution as well as courtesy. FML. Screw H1N1.
• I want to go for a facial before I see anyone in KL and I *might* need to do it 7 days later, depending whether the salon permits me to go or not. Need to be nice and ask whether they mind mah, right? Screw H1N1.
• Certain cities in India have no finances to buy any thermal equipment and if you’re saying that KLIA scanning is abysmal, wait till you check out India. When I first landed in India, I was given a form to fill about my health condition, and nobody took it from me. People who’ve visited high-risk zones were never tracked down and now they’re panicking? Screw yourself, you idiots. It’s your fault that your people are dying. Eat more lah eat more! Corrupt sial. Screw H1N1.
• My dad will be escorting me to the international airport. Never mind if I kena Jackpot or Toto, but my dad, I don’t want anything happen to him during our trip together. I’ll be worried sick. Screw H1N1.

Perhaps it’s time to set up a website similar to FML, but instead of ending the posts with FML, you end it with Screw H1N1.

Hahahaha bye.

Have been down and sick for the past… 3 days. For me, it was just pain, endless visits to the toilet, and even more pain. Was so weak I just slept off 3 jolly good days where I could have done so much. @@

我讨厌印度食物。真的是没文明及卫生见识的地方。